Why Groups?

www.nvamc.com/classesWhy groups? 

This is an important question. If you haven’t asked the question, you still might want to consider the benefits of what Groups can offer you.  Groups enhance individual therapy, so we encourage all clients to continue seeing their existing individual counselor if they are currently seeing someone.
Groups give you an opportunity to meet others share similar feelings, thoughts, and problems.
Groups help boost your own self-concept through extending help to other group members.
Groups instill hope as you see positive changes in others, you become optimistic about your future.
Groups provide new information, insights, and ideas from the facilitator and from other members.
Groups create a healthy environment for developing effective communication & relationship skills.
Groups foster feelings of trust, belonging and togetherness among members.
Groups deepen your personal insight via safe live feedback provided from other members.
Groups expand your personal knowledge and skills through the safe observation of others.
Groups are cost-effective at North Valley Anger Management Consultants.
                     Call us today at 1-888-99ANGRY

When Is It Time For Anger Management?

"If Anger Management  is seen as a program to increase skills in Self-Awareness, Self-Control, Social Awareness and Relationship Management, any time is the right time for skill enhancement in these areas. Generally, most self-referrals to Anger Management Programs are persons who are highly interested in skill enhancements in these areas. It is worth remembering that anger is a normal human emotion, which is exerienced by everyone from time to time. Here are five specific signals that will tell you when your anger is creating problems for you.

1).When it is too frequent. There are many situations for which becoming angry is justified and natural. But, we often get angry when it is not necessary or useful. It is important to distinguish between the times  when it is alright to be angry and when getting angry isn’t a wise idea.
2).When it is too intense. Anger is something that occurs at different levels of intensity. A small or moderate amount of anger can often work to your advantage. High degrees of anger rarely produce positive results and may damage your own physical health.
3).When it lasts too long. When anger continues over time, you maintain a level of arousal or stress that goes beyond normal limits. When anger does not go away, your body’s systems are prevented from returning to normal levels, which makes it easier to get angry the next time something goes wrong. Sometimes, it becomes impossible to resolve.
4).When it leads to aggression.  Aggressive acts are likely to result in trouble for you. When you feel you have been abused or treated unfairly, you may want to hurt the person who has offended you. Verbal aggression, like calling someone a name, is not helpful and often leads to a cycle of increasing aggression.
 5).When it destroys work or personal relationships. When your anger interferes with doing a good job or makes it hard for people to relate to you, then it becomes a problem.  Anger Management is, by far, the most appropriate response for developing skills to manage all of the situations mentioned above."

Original author: George Anderson, MSW, CAMF

Anger, Emphathy, & Emotional Intelligence

Marcus Aurelius on Empathy

(Excerpt from Marcus Aurelius, The Meditations, Book 11 §18, translation by D. Robertson (c) 2009)

When offended by other people’s actions,

1. Remember the close bond between yourself and the rest of mankind…
2. Think of the characters of those who offend you at the table, in their beds, and so on. In particular, remember the effect their negative way of thinking has on them, and the misplaced confidence it gives them in their actions.
3. If what they’re doing is right, you’ve no reason to complain; and if it’s not right, then it must have been involuntary and unintentional. Because just as “no-one ever deliberately denies the truth,” according to Socrates, so nobody ever intentionally treats another person badly. That’s why these negative people are themselves insulted if anyone accuses them of injustice, ingratitude, meanness, or any other sort of offence against their neighbours -they just don’t realise they’re doing wrong.
4. You yourself, are no different from them, and upset people in various ways. You might avoid making some mistakes, but the thought and inclination is still there, even if cowardice or egotism or some other negative motive has held you back you from copying their mistakes.
5. Remember, you’ve got no guarantee they’re doing the wrong thing anyway, people’s motives aren’t always what they seem. There’s usually a lot to learn before any sure-footed moral judgements can be made about other people’s actions.
6. Tell yourself, when you feel upset and fed up, that human life is transient and only lasts a moment; it won’t be long before we’ll all have been laid to rest.
7. Get rid of this, make a decision to quit thinking of things as insulting, and your anger immediately disappears. How do you get rid of these thoughts? By realising that you’ve not really been harmed by their actions. Moreover, unless genuine harm to your soul is all that worries you, you’ll wind up being guilty of all sorts of offences against other people yourself.
8. Anger and frustration hurt us more than the things we’re annoyed about hurt us.
9. Kindness is an irresistible force, so long as it’s genuine and without any fake smiles or two-facedness. Even the most stubborn bad attitude is nothing, if you just keep being nice to the person concerned. Politely comment on his behaviour when you get the chance and, just when he’s about to have another go at you, gently make him self-conscious by saying “No, my son; we’re not meant for this. I’ll not be hurt; you’re just hurting yourself.” Subtly draw his attention to this general fact; even bees and other animals that live in groups don’t act like he does. Do it without any hint of sarcasm or nit-picking, though; do it with real affection and with your heart free from resentment. Don’t talk to him harshly like a school teacher or try to impress bystanders but, even though other people may be around, talk as if you’re alone together in private.

Keep these nine pieces of advice in mind, like nine gifts from the Muses; and while there’s still life in you, begin at last to be a man. While guarding yourself against being angry with others, though, be just as careful to avoid the opposite extreme, of toadying. One’s just as bad as the other, and both cause problems. With bouts of rage, always remind yourself that losing your temper is no sign of manhood. On the contrary, there’s more strength, as well as more natural humanity, in someone capable of remaining calm and gentle. He proves he’s got strength and nerve and guts, unlike his angry, complaining friend. Anger’s just as much a sign of weakness as bubbling with tears; in both cases we’re giving in to suffering.
Finally, a tenth idea, this time from the very leader of the Muses, Apollo himself. To expect bad men never to do bad things is just madness; it’s asking the impossible. And to let them abuse other people, and expect them to leave you alone, that is arrogance.

Anger Management 101

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.  ~Lemony Snicket