2014: New Year's Resolutions & Hesitations

With the Holidays behind us, and the New Year on the horizon, you can almost feel the world expelling a massive sigh of relief; all at once. In fact, you can almost hear people saying, “I've made it through another year!” Annual survivors are older, and hopefully a little wiser, with money lost and gained, many having hearts broken and mended, new friends made and opportunities experienced and explored. The world threw all it had at me, and I kept on coming. Rejoice, now is the time of new beginnings. You get to dust off the previous year and start anew. Reflect on who you were and what you did, and envision who you will be and what you have yet to do. Reinvention and renewal await us all within the New Year. However, as exciting as all this can be, the New Year is also a time of great fear and trepidation, regret and indecision. Will I fall into the same patterns that I always have? Am I ready to change? What if I fail? These questions and many others often race through our heads and weigh heavy on our hearts as we prepare for the New Year. For some, these reflections may change the way they view the world and the people in it. It may even seem like they are against you, and you have little to no chance at change and happiness. Remember, the future is a blank slate. It is up to you, to snuff out these nagging thoughts and doubts. To say I will try, because if I don’t I have already failed. The path can be long and uneven, full of loose stones that cause you to stumble. Know that it isn’t if you fall, but rather how you choose to regain your stride when you do. Be firm in your decision, and stay committed to whatever direction you have chosen. Challenges await, but so does victory. Happy New Year from all of us at North Valley Anger Management Consultants! For more information about North valley Anger Management Consultants and our services, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com or call us at 1-888-992-6479.

Why Hater's Hate: Moving Past the Anger

Hate. For most people this word conjures up more images and memories than perhaps any other. The bully who made you miserable as a child; a friend you once trusted; an ex lover, a parent, a sibling…maybe even yourself. Hate comes from anger, and anger from the instinct to protect ourselves from pain. In short, anger and hate originate from a primitive defense rooted in the brains need to automatically protect itself from perceived threats. When it comes down to it, feeling angry and hateful is easier and safer than feeling sadness, betrayal, disappointment, fear, grief or loss.

Fixing this is simple, but it is not easy. It takes a willingness to recognize and change negative thoughts and behavior patterns, and the ability to identify and work through the experiences that caused the hate and anger so you can let it go. Remember that hate is easy, but forgiveness is hard. It is up to you to decide to forgive and move on to being a healthier, happier you.

                                                             

When you are ready to begin to the healing, we can help. North Valley Anger Management Consultants offers evening and weekend classes to help you over come the anger and hate. For more information, or a free consultation, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com or call us at 1-888-992-6479 today. Anger hurts, we can help stop the hurt and begin the healing.

                                 

                                                      

The Price of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence (DV) is more than anger. It is more than abuse. It is not about gaining pleasure from inflicting pain. What it is about is the power and control of one person over another brought about through a combination of intimidation, physical, mental, and emotional cruelty. What domestic violence is is a living nightmare for the victims trapped within it's clutches. It is in every city, on every block. It is unbias and nondiscriminatory. It effects rich and poor alike and has no regard for social or political status, and its effects are long term and hereditary.

 Witnessing domestic violence is in and of itself a form of child abuse and neglect. Unfortunately, the trickle down effect of  DV does not end there. Domestic violence is often discussed clinically, in terms referring to the physical, psychological, behavioral, and societal cost,yet it is the human cost that needs to be profiled. The physical effect of domestic violence alone, such as damage to a child's growing brain, can cause developmental and learning impairment including cognitive delays and behavioral difficulties. However, the physical effects of exposure to abuse is only the tip of the iceberg.

As the children from a home with domestic violence grow up, they are predisposed to become abusers themselves. The recurring cycle of violence often begins on the school yard, with the child bullying other children, and ultimately ends with the child becoming an adult who perpetrates domestic violence themselves.

According to the United States goverment, an estimated 905,000 children were victims of exposure to domestic violence, a form of child abuse, both physical and emotinal, and neglect in 2006 (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2008). While physical injuries may or may not be immediately visible, abuse and neglect not only can but will have consequences for the children and families that experience this abuse that will last the course of the victims lifetime, and often for generations to come.

For these families, living in fear and pain is all they know. The emotional and physical cost of domestic violence to children and families is unconscionable. Stopping the cycle of violence is the only way to end the multi-generational pattern of abuse being passed down from parent to child ad infinium amen.

IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PLEASE CALL YOUR LOCAL SHELTER, YMCA, OR LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY IMMEDIATELY. THESE AGENCIES MAY BE REACHED BY DIALING 211, 411, OR 911.

If you are a batterer/perpetrator and have been court ordered to seek help in stopping the abuse, or are self referred, please call 818-606-7531 for more information, or visit our website at www.nvamc.com.

For more information about the effect of abuse on children, stopping the cycle of domestic violence,  resources to help a victim recovering from domestic violence abuse, please visit the following websites:


http://www.cpedv.org/

cadv.org/children.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYWxfxMOUO4

Anger in Your Relationship: When to Get Help

Anger, left uncontrolled, can be one of the most dangerous and destructive components in a relationship. Often, both hetero and same sex couples struggling with anger problems are unaware of why their relationship continues to deteriorate. Although, a couple struggling with anger may be committed to one another, knowing when it is time to reach out for help can play an important part in beginning to heal the relationship. If your relationship is falling apart, due to anger management issues, the following list of symptoms and behaviors may help you identify when to reach out for help:


1. Feeling controlled or micromanaged by your partner

2. Feeling afraid of your partner at anytime (get help immediately)

3. Unable to express wants, needs, or desires out of fear of partner rejection

4. Fear of physical or verbal attack (get help immediately)                           

5. Unable to communicate without partner getting angry

6. Children being effected by arguing in the home (can't focus in school)

7. Children feeling afraid of parents

8. Children feeling they have to protect either parent

A loved ones anger may be a symptom of a deeper mental health health concern requiring professional assistance, or it maybe a communication concern that anger management classes combined with relational therapy may be able to address. However, the first and most important step is knowing when to reach out and ask for help. If you, or someone you love, are dealing with any these symptoms/behaviors in a relationship, please seek help immediately. Moreover, if you are in a relationship and are feeling afraid of your partner, or your children are afraid of a parent, or fear for a parent, seek help immediately by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. No one has to live with anger between themselves and a loved one, and no one should ever live in fear. Help is available 24 hours a day. For more information, or a for free consultation, please call 1-888-992-6479 or visit our website at http://www.nvamc.com/.                                                                           

How To Spot a Bully In Your Child's Life

Would you know if your child was being bullied? Often bullying goes unreported and undetected, yet the damage is still done and can have life altering effects. In 2009,  Finkelhor, Turner, Ormrod,&Hamby conducted a national study of United States school children, ages 2-17, and identified 29.5 percent of the youth surveyed had experienced emotional bullying, and 21.6 percent had experienced physical bullying. Knowing the signs and getting immediate assistance to stop the bullying and provide emotional support can make all the difference in the life of child. The following are warning signs often demonstrated by children being bullied:

Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongs

Has unexplained cuts, bruises, scratches

Has few, if any friends, with whom they spend time

Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers

Takes a long, illogical, route to school

Has lost interest in, or suddenly begins to do poorly at school

Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when they come home from school

Complains of frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms

Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams

Demonstrates a loss of appetite

Appears anxious and suffers from low self esteem

Learning how to recognize the symptoms may save a life. Know the signs and stop bullying today!
For more information please visit www.cde.ca.gov/ls/ss/se/bullyres.asp