New Year's Resolutions That Really Work: Anger Management!

For many of us, although 2015 is officially over, the emotional clean up process is just beginning. If 2015 was an angry year for you, you are not alone. The good news is 2016 is a brand new opportunity to reclaim emotional control of our life. You may want to consider having anger management as a New Year's resolution if any of the following apply: Have loved ones told you have an anger problem? Has your anger gotten you into legal trouble? Has your significant other, or family, asked you to go to anger management? Have you lost jobs, friends, or relationships because of your anger? If any of this sounds like you, there is hope. Individual or group anger management counseling can help you take back control of your emotional life ultimately leading to a happier and more successful you. Anger management isn't just for executives, athletes, or celebrities anymore! In fact, anger management skills can help you with all of the following: * Increase positive communication skills * Make better choices responding to stress at home and work. * Learn to express anger in more appropriate ways * Learn coping and relaxation skills * Learn replacement behaviors to use when angry At North Valley Anger Management Consultants, we excel in helping people overcome and control anger and reclaim their lives. For more information, call us today for a free 30 minute telephone consultation at 1-888-992-6479, or visit our website at www.nvamc.com

Naughty Kid or Necessary Skill?

It’s Saturday night, and you and your loved one are having dinner in an upscale local restaurant. The steak is cooked to perfection, the salad crisp and well chilled, the conversation pleasant. You take a bite of tender succulent beef, and begin to quietly chew all the while thinking to yourself the night could not be more perfect. Suddenly, at the table next to you, a young child begins to act out. You hear the parents say “no” several times, and then the volume of the outburst begins to increase. It is at this point you realize the child is in the beginning of a full blown tantrum. Your stomach begins to sink, as the parents attempt to calm the child, because the harder they try the louder the child yells. The next thing you know, you hear the sound of skin hitting skin, as the parents begin yelling at the child to “Stop it!” It is at this point you find yourself loosing your appetite and wondering what is wrong with the child, the parents, or both?

 Throughout the ordeal you find yourself vacillating between wondering how the parents could both hit and yell at there child in public, why they would dare to bring an ill behaved child to a restaurant, and why they haven’t taken the child out to the car.  As the child continues to kick, bite, yell, and scream you realize the horrific spectacle playing out next to you is far more than the anger of a petulant child; frustrated and dismayed, you begin accept that date night is well and truly over and that you may have witnessed inappropriate discipline of a minor ( CA law states corporal punishment is only legal when it is involves an open hand on a child’s bottom and does not leave a mark.) 

We've all been there, and witnessing such a display it is never pleasant. The important thing to remember is

the child in this scenario deserves compassion, not scorn. Keep in mind, the inappropriate behavior is not the child’s fault. All behavior is learned through a combination of repetition and reinforcement. The question then becomes, where did they learn to use such extreme and inappropriate behavior to get their needs met, and why was it necessary?   

In replaying the above scenario, what was truly witnessed between the parents and the child?  You observed the child “acting out”, the parents saying “no”, the child not accepting the answer, the parents hitting the child while yelling “stop it”, and the child escalating to full tantrum with kicking, biting, and screaming. When reviewing the incident, it becomes clear the child has learned to “turn up the heat” to get needs met and as such is unable to accept limits due to negative reinforcement of needs only met when escalated. Therefore, the child demonstrates resilience in learning how to get daily needs met. Although unpleasant to experience, the child’s naughty behavior is clearly a necessary survival skill.

However, the parents’ behavior demonstrates a lack stress management, displaced anger, inappropriate corporal discipline, a lack of emotional intelligence, and poor parenting skills. How then could the situation have been handled to generate a positive outcome? The National Parenting Education Network recommends the following steps as a more appropriate response to a child’s defiance, tantrums, angry outbursts, or disruptive behavior when at home or in public:

     1.  State the rule (Ex. in our family we don’t hit each other).

1. 2. Time-out when a child chooses not to follow a rule. (One minute per year of age).
2. 3. Use positive reinforcement when a child follows a rule.
3. 4. Apply consequences in a consistent way (to make it easier use a prompt paired with a count of 3, and then move on with a time out when a child is not following a stated rule). A child eventually will expect to have negative consequences for negative behaviors. As parents, striving to teach good habits and values is a must.
4. 5. Whenever parent can, he/she should celebrate positive behaviors to encourage and support desired changes (very important).
5. 6. Make a plan with your child to celebrate when progress, so the child has something positive to look forward.

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Don't Let The Grinch Get You Down: Coping With Holiday Anger!

With the state of the economy, rise in unemployment, and hyperinflation holiday anger is on the rise.
The following five tips have been found useful to help you and your loved ones deal with holiday stress:
1. Watch carefully the amount of alcohol you consume. Many anger management students confess that excessive drinking definitely contributed to family conflict and aggression.
2.Reduce stress by managing your time carefully and not over-scheduling yourself. Take time for yourself.
3. Adjust your expectations of family members. No, Aunt Irene hasn’t changed since last year. Tell yourself that you only have to see her once a year- you can cope with it.
4. Work on forgiveness skills. Let old resentments go. Holding grudges hurts you more than your relatives.
5. Develop better empathy skills. Try to see the world from the viewpoint of irritating family members and you may be shocked at how your anger dissipates.
For more tips on how to deal with angry feelings or the angry behavior of others, call us at 888-992-6479 or visit our website at www.nvamc.com

Even Moms get Angry!

Why do we hurt the ones that are closest to us?  Why do we say things we regret?  I met with a mom again the other day that struggled with anger towards her children and had late night arguments with her spouse.  It is not uncommon that people tend to express their anger towards those they are closest to the most, that they feel the most comfortable with.
If you are ready to stop this cycle of painful behavior in your relationships with your family we are here to help.  We have a variety different options for you.  Most moms we meet with benefit from one-on-one sessions that focus on Emotional Intelligence, Stress Management, Anger Management, and Communication Skills at home.  There is a solution and our team of professionals is here to help you.

Make a Holiday wish come true for you and the ones you love.To schedule a confidential appointment please call our office at (888) 992-6479 or visit our website at http://www.nvamc.com/

Dr. Phil Show "Angry Moms"

What Do The Holidays & Stress Have in Common?

Interestingly enough, it is anger. Anger, which is a secondary emotion, is a way of protecting oneself from the stress and pain that is often associated with the Holiday Season. So, in interest of good self care, during the Holidays it is even more important to remember to take time each day to take a deep breath, stop, and enjoy the moment.  Read something, talk to a friend, listen to music, something you truly enjoy to re-charge briefly will make a dramatic difference in your day.
The hassles of everyday life these days can cause a lot of stress at work and home, and even more so during the Holiday Season.  Think about stress as a continuum with really low stress equaling boredom, but the healthy amount of stress allows most people to function in a state of optimal cognitive efficiency.  That correct amount of stress provides you with energy & motivation to accomplish a goal or task.  However a high levels stress can trigger ANXIETY or ANGER with the “fight, flight, or freeze” response of neurochemicals.
Stress is in the most basic sense a mismatch between the demands in our lives and the resources we have to handle with those demands.  Our perception of situations and demands we face varies significantly from person to person, so it is important to remember that it is the way we perceive and respond that is important.  Notice I used the word respond not react, in stressful situations especially, pause… think then respond.  As much as possible avoid reacting.
Stress Management is one of the main cornerstones of a solid Emotional Intelligence / Anger Management Program.  That is one of the core domains in our evidence-based, skill-building approach that has been helping individuals, couples, and teens get such great results.  Developing a deeper understanding and practicing the skills of Emotional Intelligence, Enhanced Communication, and Stress Management will help you regain control of yourself and your Anger.  Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a relatively new field of study but over the last two decades there has been extensive research. 

At North Valley Anger Management Consultants, we have a program that will be customized to meet your individual needs and help you achieve your goals. For a free consultation, call us today at 1-888-992-6479 or 1-818-570-2424 or check us out on the web at http://www.nvamc.com/

Happy Holidays from Everyone at North valley Anger Management Consultants