Emotional Intelligence: The Foundation of Hope

I have often wondered what purpose blind faith serves above and beyond establishing a sense of purpose. The answer that most readily comes to mind, in this regard, is quite simply hope combined with a sense of belonging.


To that end, the majority of human beings at some point in their lives will ask, “Why am I here?” It is this very dilemma that instills a sense of lacking within humanity.

Similarly, human beings need to feel validated, regardless of their ethos. They must believe they have a purpose, and more importantly that their existence stands for something. One might say, they need to believe they belong and are needed.


Humanity, regardless of culture, has an instinctive need to believe they belong and as such are part of something that is bigger and stronger that is on their side, and in their corner; an omnipotent figure if you please, that will unconditionally love, support, and forgive them no matter what. Humankind must believe that they are not alone in this world, and that they are living for a reason; a reason that has its basis in hope.

For information regarding our services, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com, or call us at 1-888-992-6479.

Happy New Year!
North Valley Anger Management Consultants

Anger: A Normal Human Emotion

Per George Anderson, LCSW, anger is a normal human emotion. Consequently, our anger is one of the  first indications that we have sustained an emotional injury that causes us to feel, hurt, offended, attacked, frightened or sad. This is not an uncommon response to more vulnerable feelings. In fact, anger even has a positive side to it. Some examples of the positive uses of anger include Martin Luther King and his struggles to end discrimination in America, Nelson Mandela (www.nelsonmandela.org) whose struggle against South Africa mobilized most of the world against his adversaries, and Rosa Parks whose anger was the source of the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Another example of a positive outcome in sighted by anger is that of Mahatma Gandhi, whose anger and resulting passive resistance stance against England occurred in direct response to Britain’s domination of India.

However, anger also has very negative connotations, and is often associated with unhealthy and abusive aspects of the human condition. Anger maybe considered a problem when it is too intense, occurs too frequently, is harmful to self or others, lasts too long or leads to aggression. Unfortunately, as the economy continues to struggle and the cost of living remains astronomical, there has been an increase in unhealthy anger and aggression worldwide. This increase is visible across all sectors of our society including government, politics, professional sports, business, education, and medicine.

Therefore, emotional intelligence may no longer be effectively managed at the individual or family level, but may require voluntary and mandated training in stress management, anger management, communication and impulse control.

For more information about managing stressful emotions, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com, or call us at 1-888-992-6479.

Take the Anger Out of Christmas!

With the fiscal cliff looming, ever increasing unemployment, and hyperinflation turning grocery shopping into financial terrorism, holiday anger isn't just on the rise but has set up permanent residency!

In keeping with the holiday spirit of hope and salvation, North Valley Anger Management Consultants, in Mission Hills, CA., thought the following tips maybe useful to help you and your loved ones deal with holiday stress:

1. Watch carefully the amount of alcohol you consume. Many anger management students confess that excessive drinking definitely contributed to family conflict and aggression.

2.Reduce stress by managing your time carefully and not over-scheduling yourself. Take time for yourself.

3. Adjust your expectations of family members. No, Aunt Irene hasn’t changed since last year. Tell yourself that you only have to see her once a year- you can cope with it.

4. Work on forgiveness skills. Let old resentments go. Holding grudges hurts you more than your relatives.

5. Develop better empathy skills. Try to see the world from the viewpoint of irritating family members and you may be shocked at how your anger dissipates.

6. Limit the amount of time you spend with stressfull family members. Remember the "spirit" of the season can be shared just as well with brief quality time.

7. Celebrating the holidays doesn't have to be expensive. You can keep Christmas alive and well without going broke. Reconnect with the meaning of Christmas through religious or cultural practices.

For more tips on how to deal with angry feelings, holiday stress, or the angry behavior of others, call us at 1-888-992-6479 or visit our website at www.nvamc.com


Happy Holidays from North Valley Anger Management Consultants!

Are Anger & Abuse Pre-requisest for Love?

One of the most powerful concepts to implement in any relationship is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. So the question truly becomes how you define unconditional love, and what are you willing to do to mend the hurt and pain you are currently feeling without passing blame onto the other person. Each person must communicate their love in a calm, clear, and direct, fashion in order to demonstrate respect to their partner. Our emotions have an amazing ability to unite people; however, left unchecked, they possess the same propensity to divide us.

Daniel Goldman(http://www.mbni.med.umich.edu/mbni/faculty/goldman/goldman.html) defines EMPATHY, which is a significant factor involved in unconditional love, in three ways. The first is cognitive empathy, meaning that we can understand how the other person thinks; we see his or her point of view. He states "this makes for good debaters, sales people and negotiators. On the other hand, people who have strengths in cognitive empathy alone can lack compassion – “they get how you see it, but don't care about you". The second is emotional empathy, which refers to someone who feels within herself the emotions of the person he or she is with. Goldman states "this creates a sense of rapport, and most probably entails the brain's mirror neuron system, which activates our own which in turn circuits the emotions, movements and intentions we see in the other person". This type of empathy creates opportunities of compassion and love. Consequently, this is where the third type of empathy, empathic concern, comes into play. Empathic concern "means we not only understand how a person sees and feels in the moment, but also prompts us want to help them if we sense the need". This unlocks the door to true empathy and unconditional love.

As you read this article, can you think of an experience where someone demonstrated Unconditional Love? What area of empathy do you most find yourself demonstrating (cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, or empathic concern)? Do you believe you have to hurt or be hurt to receive love?

If you are in a relationship in which you are hurting the ones you love physically, emotionally, or mentally we can help. For more information and a free consultation, please call 1-888-992-6479 or visit our website at www.nvamc.com today. Help is just a phone call away!

For additional resources, including assistance with a safety plan, please call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-787-3224 or visit their website at http://www.thehotline.org/ today.