Domestic Violence is Aggravated Assault: Only You Can Stop The Cycle of Violence!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS AGGRAVATED ASSAULT!

Don't Live in Fear of Domestic Violence ! If you, or someone you love, is living with domestic violence help is available 24 hours a day. Take the first step and make a phone call; you may be saving a life. For further information, please call the following numbers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Domestic Violence Hotline 800-978-3600 National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) TDD 800-787-3224 Domestic violence is more than just a "family problem"; it is a crime. The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) recognizes that domestic violence is a major problem in Los Angeles County and throughout the United States. Each year, more than two million women are victims of domestic violence, and one million children are physically abused. In California, it is a crime for any person to threaten, beat, sexually assault or otherwise harm another person, even if they are married. Battering is not exclusively a crime against women, but they are the majority affected. One of every two families in the United States is involved in domestic violence at some time. Domestic violence is a repetitive pattern in people's lives. Victims or witnesses of domestic violence in childhood are mostly likely to repeat such acts as adults. The current incidence of domestic violence cannot be tolerated. Too many women are beaten. Too many children are abused. Too many homes are battlegrounds. There is a way out! Victims do not need to submit and lead a life of tension between calm and storm. If you are a victim of domestic violence, now is the time to start thinking about protecting yourself. The fact that you are seeking assistance is a very good sign. It means you are seriously considering your situation. Calling the police, telling a friend, or contacting a shelter is the first step. Please don't wait until it is too late. Many studies show that an uninterrupted cycle of violence only worsens over time. Hotlines and shelters are there to be used and counseling is available. It's as close as a phone call and it's free. Let us help you. Stop the violence and stay safe! If you would like further information about domestic violence or other mental health services, please call 1-888-992-6479. Your consultation is free and confidential.

Explosive Rage In Teenage Boys At Alarming Rate

Explosive Rage In Teenage Boys At Alarming Rate

In an alarmingly upward trend, teenage boys are increasingly acting out in horrific acts of violent and explosive rage. Per The Guardian, one such tragic event occurred on 24 May 2013, at which time a 15 year old boy allegedly killed his adopted brothers (http://guardianlv.com/2013/05/west-point-utah-15-year-old-boy-allegedly-kills-adopted-brothers-10-and-4/), in a small town, in West Point, Utah.  Similarly, per The LA Times, in January 2013, a 15 year old boy in New Mexico confessed to having killed his mother, father, and three small siblings (http://articl es.latimes.com/2013/jan/21/nation/la-na-nn-albuquerque-griego-shooting-20130121). Regrettably, these are not isolated incidents. In direct response to this growing trend in teen violence, enlightened parents are seeking anger management education classes for their sons. Further, as part of a proactive trend toward emotional intelligence training, anger management classes are replacing punishment for teenage boys whose aggressive anger is alarming both their parents and school personnel. The ongoing negative economic trend has impacted the mood and stress levels of adults, children, and adolescents nationwide. Anger, stress, and aggressive behavior are some of the consequences associated with dramatic changes in socio-economic status. To punish an angry teen often leads to further negative alterations in his or her behavior. In contrast, anger management classes, which are focused on increasing an individual’s emotional intelligence by teaching skills in self-awareness, self-control, social awareness and relationships, are more likely to result in skill enhancement in the pivotal areas mentioned above. In fact, due to the fragile ego of teens, psychotherapy is often viewed as extremely threatening and as such generally produces poorer outcomes. Therefore, emotional intelligence for skill enhancement, in managing anger and stress, delivered in a group setting, is a far more popular intervention with teenage boys and is more likely to produce positive outcomes.

For further information regarding anger management education for teenage boys displaying disruptive, or anti-social behavior, please visit our website at www.nvamc.mobi or call 1-888-992-6479. 

How To Communicate Anger In A Healthy Way

Effective communication is a key ingredient in managing anger and stress. However, because people tend to communicate their anger in one of two ways, aggressively or passively, effective communication does not always occur. Despite what you might think, the vast majority of people suppress their anger and wind up carrying it around in the form of resentment. This approach is unhealthy and unproductive. Consequently, in order to communicate anger in a healthy way you need to translate your upsetting thoughts into words and actions that are not offensive to the people around you. In other words, you need to express exactly how you feel, in a way that takes other people’s feelings into consideration.


Keeping in mind that there are four styles of communication, it is important to realize that most of us use different ways of communicating depending on the situation, our mood, and the behavior of the person with whom we are attempting to communicate. The four styles are as follows:

Passive communication: The passive communicator avoids direct eve contact, fails to accurately express his or her feelings, and tends to have low self-esteem. His or her anger is self-directed rather than toward the source of the anger.

Passive-Aggressive communication: The passive aggressive communicator sounds passive but is hostile in his or her manner of speaking. He or she will often use sarcasm and other hostile gesture to get a point across. The listener is left without any indication of what the passive aggressive communicator needs or wants.

Aggressive communication: The aggressive communicator invades the space of the listener and speaks in a threatening manner and may even throw objects, glare, or attempt to intimidate the listener. He or she often attempts to blame the listener for whatever the source of the disagreement may be.

Assertive communication: the assertive communicator speaks in a reasonable tone, establishes eye contact with the listener, uses “I” messages, and clearly states his or her needs, feelings, and requests. He, or she, invites the listener to work towards a mutually satisfactory resolution of the conflict. The assertive communicator consciously influences the listener by his or her own behavior. He or she demonstrates emotional intelligence skills.

In reviewing the four styles of communication, it becomes clear that assertive communication is the most effective manner of communication when attempting to express feelings. The following is an outline of how to effectively communicate anger:

First, state your position using “I” statements, such as “I feel upset when you yell at me my in front of my coworkers.” Remember to be mindful of “you” statements like: “You shouldn’t criticize me in front of co-workers,” or “You make me angry,” and avoid them completely. You are communicating your feelings; therefore, you must take ownership of them by using “I”. When at all possible, substitute any other word for the word “angry” since this word is such a button-pusher. Use words like hurt, upset, confused, or disappointed. By always formatting your opening statement in this way you will prevent an immediate counter-attack that would prevent your message from being heard.

In his book, Anger at Work, Dr. Hendrie Weisinger reveals three secret weapons for effectively communicating anger: Listening, Negotiation, and Praise.

Listening: Once you make your opening statement (I feel upset when…), listen to what the other person has to say in response. When you listen attentively, you validate the other person’s feelings. You can add to this sense of validation by saying, “I can understand why you would feel that way…?” Please keep in mind that sometimes, even when you carefully format your opening statement, the other person may still counter-attack. If this happens, just keep restating your position until the person responds appropriately.

Negotiation: When you’re angry, it’s hard to concede anything to the person you are angry with. You will be more likely to get what you want in the long run if you come to the table prepared to make some kind of concession.

Praise: Praising the person you are angry with may seem like a contradiction, but, if done properly, it will take the edge off your criticism. For example: “I appreciate how quickly you got that letter out, but next time you type a letter, please run it by me before mailing it.” Mixing in a bit of praise, as long as it is sincere, lets the person know you care about him or her.

For further information about communicating anger in a healthy way, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com, or call us at 1-888-992-6479 today.

Are Anger & Abuse Pre-requisest for Love?

One of the most powerful concepts to implement in any relationship is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. So the question truly becomes how you define unconditional love, and what are you willing to do to mend the hurt and pain you are currently feeling without passing blame onto the other person. Each person must communicate their love in a calm, clear, and direct, fashion in order to demonstrate respect to their partner. Our emotions have an amazing ability to unite people; however, left unchecked, they possess the same propensity to divide us.

Daniel Goldman(http://www.mbni.med.umich.edu/mbni/faculty/goldman/goldman.html) defines EMPATHY, which is a significant factor involved in unconditional love, in three ways. The first is cognitive empathy, meaning that we can understand how the other person thinks; we see his or her point of view. He states "this makes for good debaters, sales people and negotiators. On the other hand, people who have strengths in cognitive empathy alone can lack compassion – “they get how you see it, but don't care about you". The second is emotional empathy, which refers to someone who feels within herself the emotions of the person he or she is with. Goldman states "this creates a sense of rapport, and most probably entails the brain's mirror neuron system, which activates our own which in turn circuits the emotions, movements and intentions we see in the other person". This type of empathy creates opportunities of compassion and love. Consequently, this is where the third type of empathy, empathic concern, comes into play. Empathic concern "means we not only understand how a person sees and feels in the moment, but also prompts us want to help them if we sense the need". This unlocks the door to true empathy and unconditional love.

As you read this article, can you think of an experience where someone demonstrated Unconditional Love? What area of empathy do you most find yourself demonstrating (cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, or empathic concern)? Do you believe you have to hurt or be hurt to receive love?

If you are in a relationship in which you are hurting the ones you love physically, emotionally, or mentally we can help. For more information and a free consultation, please call 1-888-992-6479 or visit our website at www.nvamc.com today. Help is just a phone call away!

For additional resources, including assistance with a safety plan, please call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-787-3224 or visit their website at http://www.thehotline.org/ today.

Mob Mentality: Avoiding the Trap of GroupThink

The de-evolution of societal norms is becoming such a common occurence that we are seeing it's like on an almost daily basis. A good example is demonstrated in a recent display of mob mentality at a High School Prep ralley in Florida. In this particular example,  a football referee was violently attacked by a group of angry coaches and players, due to a collective impression of bias associated with unfavorable calls affecting the outcome of the team's score. Individually, the probability of any of the coaches or players involved physically attacking the referee is negligible at best. However, as a group, they created a seperate identity with normative values uniqully assigned to their shared purpose resulting in an angry mob bent on getting their way by any means available. In short, a 'mob mentality.'
A mob mentality is a mind set that often occurs when a crowd takes on an identity of its own, seperate and devoid of the distinct identities of the individuals that embody the collective, yet joined by a shared sense of purpose. According to Don Forsyth, a professor at The Jepson School of Leadership Studies at the University of Richmond, "the concept of mob mentality first developed in the 1800s, when French sociologist Gustave Le Bon wrote The Crowd." Per a recent article by Lacey Schley, of Medill,  Forsyth further proposed that one possible theory explaining the origin of a central group identity is the social psychology concept of "deindividuation." Phil Zimbardo, a social scientist and professor at Stanford University, most noted for his classic 1971 psychosocial experiment entitled The Stanford Prison Experiment, in which graduate students voluteered to enact the roles of either inmate or prison guard. As a result, Zimbardo is considerd to be the foremost authority on the conceptual theory of deindividuation, which is a social therory that posits the embracement of the group cultural identity in place of individual values.    
Avoiding the contagion of mob mentality in modern society is not easy, but it can be done. 'Group think' can be avoided by being aware of yourself in relation to others. Angry mobs, violent or aggresive behavior, dissolutionment, verbal anger and public discontent, dialectic politics, etc, are all signs of mob mentality, group think, and deindividuation. Monitoring your own behavior when alone and within a group is the key. With awareness, we can regulate the amount of deviation between our individual values and those associated with a group. Angry outbursts, public violence, verbal and physical aggression are all traits that are the antithesis of societal norms, yet accepted within the group culture resulting from a sense of safety associated with the collective. You do not have to allow youself to become a mob member, or surrender your individual beliefs. Personal vigilence and social awareness will assist with the deescalation of anger, violence and other symptoms of a mob mentality.

If you would like more information regarding anger management, regulating emotions, avoiding angry outbursts or other symptoms of violence please visit our website at www.nvamc.com or call us at 1-888-992-6479.

For more information regarding mob mentality, the Stanford Prison Experiment, or the violence at the High School prep rally please visit the following websites.

http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=205860

http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Coaches-and-players-violently-attack-youth-footb?urn=highschool-wp5326

http://www.prisonexp.org/