Is It Normal To Feel Angry?

Is anger normal? Absolutely! Everyone feels angry. It’s what we do with the feeling of anger that matters. Per George Anderson, LCSW, anger is a normal human emotion. In fact, anger is one of the first indications that a person may feel emotionally injured. It is important to note that anger is a secondary emotion that exists to protect people from feeling the more vulnerable emotions such as hurt, loss, grief, fear, offended, attacked, frightened, lonely or sad. This is not an uncommon response, often initiated by our psyche during times of stress in response to the more sensitive feelings.

Aside from emotional protection, anger can instill motivation and energy that often produce positive outcomes. Some examples of the positive uses of anger were observed during Martin Luther King’s struggles to end discrimination in America, and Nelson Mandela whose struggle against South Africa mobilized most of the world against his adversaries, and Rosa Parks whose anger was the source of the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Another example of a positive outcome as a result of anger is that of Mahatma Gandhi, whose anger and resulting passive resistance stance against England occurred in direct response to Britain’s domination of India.
However, anger also has very negative connotations, and when out of control is often associated with unhealthy and abusive aspects of the human condition. Anger maybe considered a problem when it is too intense, occurs too frequently, is harmful to self or others, lasts too long or leads to aggression. Unfortunately, as the economy continues to struggle and the cost of living remains sky high; incidents of unhealthy anger and aggression have increased ten fold worldwide. This increase is visible across all sectors of our society including government, politics, professional sports, business, education, and medicine.
If you or someone you love is experiencing unhealthy levels of anger or aggression, their emotional intelligence may no longer be effectively managed at the individual or family level, and may require voluntary and mandated training in stress management, anger management, communication and impulse control.

For more information about managing stressful emotions, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com, or call us at 1-888-992-6479. 

Surviving The Holiday Blues (Scrooge-itis)

It happens every year. Shortly after Halloween, the Holiday season begins. It starts with the retail ads, picks up speed in the grocery stores, and often consumes the work place and community, then before you know it the tidal wave of “good cheer” has taken over everyday life. Except, many people don’t feel very cheerful. In fact, at times, many people find themselves simultaneously dreading and resenting the Holidays. Indeed, some may even find themselves identifying with Ebeneezer Scrooge, in that they are inexplicably feeling angry, bitter, sad, resentful, overwhelmed, lonely, and disconnected. However, if you or someone you love believe have identified many, if not all, of the symptoms of “Scrooge-itis” this does not mean you secretly dislike children, nor that you will suddenly become miserly, greedy, or mean. What these symptoms may mean is that you or a loved one may be struggling with unresolved Grief and Loss, Traumatic Grief, Trauma, Abandonment issues, or concerns otherwise deemed “The Holiday Blues.” The good news is you, or your loved one, is not ALONE! Thousands of people feel the exact same way each and every year. The importance of recognizing the signs and symptoms associated with “The Holiday Blues” and seeking professional help is the key to successfully coping with the holiday season. If you, or a loved one, are experiencing several or more of the following symptoms seek immediate assistance from a mental health professional in your area, or call the National Crisis Hotline 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255 www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org:

1)      Sadness

2)      Tearfulness

3)      Hopelessness

4)      Isolating

5)      Unexplained loss of Interest in previously enjoyed hobbies or activities

6)      Unexplained loss of appetite

7)      Unexplained increase in appetite

8)      Unexplained anger/irritability

9)      Disrupted Sleep

10)   Inability to focus

11)   Increased use of alcohol  

12)   Suicidal Ideation

13)   Homicidal Ideation

14)   Poor hygiene/lack of desire to bath/brush teeth

15)   Increased absences at work or school

For more information, or referrals, regarding coping with the Holiday Blues help is just a phone call away. Call 211, 1-800-854-7771 or visit www.healthycity.org or www.namila.org/crisis-hotlines-hospitals  For life threatening emergencies or immediate assistance call 911. Remember, you are not alone!

Happy Holidays from All of Us at North Valley Anger Management Consultants!

For more information about our anger, stress, and domestic violence programs call 1-888-992-6479 or visit www.nvamc.com. 

Dumping My Bucket of Emotions Without An Angry Outburst!

For many people anger and disruptive behavior are the result of internalized tension and resentment. In short, anger represents mental and emotional fill points or bucket of emotion, that have hit there limit and literally burst. So what is an emotional “fill point” and how does it affect us? An emotional “fill point” is an imaginary line used to represent how much stress and anger a person can accumulate before these negative emotions start to “spill” out in an angry outburst.

Some people have a low fill line, while others have a high one. Children, on the other hand,  tend to have much lower fill lines than adults, and as such care must be taken when interacting and setting and example for them. When a child reaches their fill line, they tend to let all their negative emotions spill out onto others in un- healthy ways. Disruptive behavior, acting out, anger, irritability, and bullying are the most common unhealthy ways that a child uses to try and relieve stress by playing out emotions that they may not be able to verbally express. This is not only devastating for the child, but also for the unintended victim of the angry lashing out, be it family, a friend, classmates etc. The most important thing to remember is that a child, unlike and adult, does not know their fill line; and as such,  is unable to actively choose to reduce their stress and negative emotions before they spill over onto others. 

When a child’s emotional bucket is full, it is up to the caregivers in their lives to help them learn and begin to use healthy appropriate alternatives to angry out bursts or they disruptive behaviors. Some effective tools to help children cope with tension and stress dump are engaging activities including sports, Boys & Girls Club, summer camp, etc, redirection such as color grounding (have them choose a color in a room, then prompt them to point out how many places they see the color), creating a coping box filled with manipulatives, guided activities, music, slow deep breathing, taking space, etc. Adults, on the other hand, are able to dump their emotional buckets and make healthy choices to reduce their tension and anger without prompting; however, the same principles apply. Appropriate ways for adults to reduce their emotional fill lines include going to the gym, enrolling in Yoga, slow deep breathing, talking with a friend, guided imagery, etc.

Whether a child or an adult, healthy coping may take some practice, but recognizing and appropriately relieving the anger, stress, and tension built up in an emotional bucket will ultimately lead to a happier, calmer life.

For more information about healthy alternatives to managing anger, please visit www.nvamc.com, or call  1-888-992-6479 for a free consultation.

Anger, Disruptive Behavior,Bullying: Stopping Youth Violence

Turn on the television, log on to the internet, drive by a news stand, and the gut wrenching headlines are everywhere. Today’s youth are killing one another in horrific acts of anger based violence. The good news is that children aren't born violent. How a person responds to frustration and anger are both learned behaviors. The question is where and how do people learn to respond in the violent and disruptive patterns plastered all over the media?

The causes of violence/bullying by youth are many and varied and range from impulse control deficits to domestic violence exposure.

However, here are some of the preventable causes negatively influencing our children every day:

Attention seeking – Angry, Violent, or acting out behavior may be the result of wanting others to pay attention to feelings that the child is unable to verbally express. Remember, negative attention is better than no attention.

Electronic Media – Children exposed to everyday violence through movies, television, video games, the Internet, etc. are often so exposed to violence and disruptive behavior that they believe it is normal and how people behave when frustrated or upset and as such engage in violent angry behavior easily and without reservation.

Environmental Influences – Children are influenced by the people they associate with even when the behavior they see is known to be wrong; Therefore, they learn and accept the violent behavior they see from their friends and family as normal then reproduce these behaviors at school and in the community.

Guns & Knives – The easy access to weapons of all kinds increases the likelihood of disturbed children shooting each other in anger.

Home Environment – Children learn what they live. If the parents in the child’s home are violent and abusive to each other and the children, then this is how the children learn to interact in the world.

Lack of Appropriate Role Models – Without positive and appropriate role models, children don’t learn to resolve conflict peacefully.

Learning Differences – Children with learning challenges, whether health related or inherited, is often linked with frustration and lashing out. If your child or a child in your life is struggling at school, talk with the teachers and get help. Special education programs are available to help remove barriers to learning, which reduces the chances of frustrated kids lashing out at school.

Mental Illness – The effect of depression, anxiety, stress, homelessness, instability caused by neglect, substance abuse, etc can all cause youth to act out in frustration and anger.

For further information about appropriate interventions to assist children and families with learning to control impulses combined with developing appropriate responses to anger and frustration, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com, or call us today for a free consultation at 1-888-992-6479.

Anger Management: Is It A State of Mind?

According to DBT/CBT theory, each person has several dominate mindsets, which they operate from on any given day. In fact, the state of mind a person responds from is a direct aspect of environmental stimuli. Consequently, of these states of mind, two are furthest apart on the spectrum, yet are the most frequently utilized.  Per Kari Anderson, PhD, LPC, of Finding Balance, these states of being are the Emotional Mind and the Rational Mind. The rational mind is the logical, more reasonable counter part of the two mindsets. Although often seen as cold and computer like, with an unfeeling view of life that is very cut and dry and absolute. In contrast, the emotional mind is all feeling with no logic or reason. This state of mind is often viewed as “the passion center” and is described as impulsive or angry and irrational. However, it is also the source of empathy and compassion. The challenge for those individuals that lean more toward the emotional mind, is to learn to fuse these two operational states into one higher functioning mindset, which per Dr. Anderson, is known as the wise mind. The wise mind uses the best qualities of both of these states to make better decisions, and is able to vastly improve a person’s quality of life when achieved. So what does any of this have to do with anger management? Achieving a more balanced state of mind can make controlling anger and emotional reactivity much easier. Another benefit of the wise mind is having the ability to think before exploding in an angry outburst, which helps increase the use of replacement behaviors when faced with high risk situations or other known triggers. In the end, learning to operate and make choices from the wise mind is an effective tool to help contain and manage anger, emotional outbursts, or other impulsive behaviors while increasing quality of life.

For further information regarding anger management or other anger control concerns, please visit our website at www.nvamc.com, or call 1-888-99anrgy (1-888-992-6479). For additional information regarding states of mind including the emotional, rational, and wise mind please visit the following websites:


www.findingbalance.com

www.mybalancedlifecounseling.com

www.cdc.gov/CDCtv/FindingBalance

Mob Mentality: Avoiding the Trap of GroupThink

The de-evolution of societal norms is becoming such a common occurence that we are seeing it's like on an almost daily basis. A good example is demonstrated in a recent display of mob mentality at a High School Prep ralley in Florida. In this particular example,  a football referee was violently attacked by a group of angry coaches and players, due to a collective impression of bias associated with unfavorable calls affecting the outcome of the team's score. Individually, the probability of any of the coaches or players involved physically attacking the referee is negligible at best. However, as a group, they created a seperate identity with normative values uniqully assigned to their shared purpose resulting in an angry mob bent on getting their way by any means available. In short, a 'mob mentality.'
A mob mentality is a mind set that often occurs when a crowd takes on an identity of its own, seperate and devoid of the distinct identities of the individuals that embody the collective, yet joined by a shared sense of purpose. According to Don Forsyth, a professor at The Jepson School of Leadership Studies at the University of Richmond, "the concept of mob mentality first developed in the 1800s, when French sociologist Gustave Le Bon wrote The Crowd." Per a recent article by Lacey Schley, of Medill,  Forsyth further proposed that one possible theory explaining the origin of a central group identity is the social psychology concept of "deindividuation." Phil Zimbardo, a social scientist and professor at Stanford University, most noted for his classic 1971 psychosocial experiment entitled The Stanford Prison Experiment, in which graduate students voluteered to enact the roles of either inmate or prison guard. As a result, Zimbardo is considerd to be the foremost authority on the conceptual theory of deindividuation, which is a social therory that posits the embracement of the group cultural identity in place of individual values.    
Avoiding the contagion of mob mentality in modern society is not easy, but it can be done. 'Group think' can be avoided by being aware of yourself in relation to others. Angry mobs, violent or aggresive behavior, dissolutionment, verbal anger and public discontent, dialectic politics, etc, are all signs of mob mentality, group think, and deindividuation. Monitoring your own behavior when alone and within a group is the key. With awareness, we can regulate the amount of deviation between our individual values and those associated with a group. Angry outbursts, public violence, verbal and physical aggression are all traits that are the antithesis of societal norms, yet accepted within the group culture resulting from a sense of safety associated with the collective. You do not have to allow youself to become a mob member, or surrender your individual beliefs. Personal vigilence and social awareness will assist with the deescalation of anger, violence and other symptoms of a mob mentality.

If you would like more information regarding anger management, regulating emotions, avoiding angry outbursts or other symptoms of violence please visit our website at www.nvamc.com or call us at 1-888-992-6479.

For more information regarding mob mentality, the Stanford Prison Experiment, or the violence at the High School prep rally please visit the following websites.

http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=205860

http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Coaches-and-players-violently-attack-youth-footb?urn=highschool-wp5326

http://www.prisonexp.org/

Managing Your Anger With The Boss

    It's Saturday morning; you sit in your favorite chair cup of coffee in hand, a nice breakfast laid out in front of you. After a long, and particularly stressful week at work you plan to enjoy your day off, relax, move slowly, not have to rush here and there, spend time with your family and friends, or maybe just catch up on all those  shows saved on your DVR. Whatever you choose to do, it doesn’t matter, this day is yours and you plan on savoring every moment of it. 

You sigh contentedly and lift your fork, about to take your first bite of your lovely breakfast, when the phone rings. Once, you ignore it, twice and you are starting to get irritated, by the third ring you get up just to silence the ringer when you happen to glance down at the caller ID, and notice that your boss is calling.  Great, you think to yourself. You know exactly why he is calling. Either he messed up the scheduling again, or one of your coworkers has called in “sick” and now you are stuck with having to go     in, on your very hard earned day off.

Instantly, your anger is through the roof and you are furious! More than anything, you want to pick up that phone and really give the boss a piece of your mind, but thankfully something stops you; this time. 

While that instant satisfaction would feel great, you know that the consequences of that action would not. You take a few deep breaths and calm yourself before you answer. Sure enough, the boss wants you to come into work. While you don’t want to go in today, you are polite on the phone and go to quickly get ready.

If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone! Life is not always pleasant, situations that make you angry will always pop up. It is how you respond to those situations that really matter. Just because one day sucks, is no reason to let anger rule your judgment, and cause you to act out ruining many more days to come. Each day is a new beginning, and each moment offers you a new course to take. Make sure you decide to take the best course every time, by not letting anger cloud your mind. One anger management technique to quickly get yourself back under control is to close your eyes, and count to ten while taking several slow deep breaths. Another is to tear paper into little pieces. Redirecting your hot thoughts away from the trigger is the key to regaining your self control.

If you or a loved one are struggling with anger, and it feels out of control, perhaps it is time to seek professional help. For more information and a free consult, please call 1-888-992-6479, or visit us at www.nvamc.com.